He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
