it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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