I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
