So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Say something about gay babies.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Randomize
