if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
