I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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