My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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