there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
