I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
