we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How many fucks given?
0.12846
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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