I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
