Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
