I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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