She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
