while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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