I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
