JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize