i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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