i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
