okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had to cum in my sink.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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