vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
