I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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