***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
