i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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