I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
