All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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