He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
