My Higher Power is John Stamos
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
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