he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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