I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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