i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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