At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
