Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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