What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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