wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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