She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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