I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
