If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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