I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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