I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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