Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
