I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
