Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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