I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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