I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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