Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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