"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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