is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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