worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my moral compass just broke
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
