I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
