honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
