so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
