please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
