your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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