Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The police scanner is talking about you again....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize