we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
