I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
