is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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