piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
