I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize