Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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