i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
