apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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