Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
