i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
