she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
