I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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