America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
