Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
