Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize