I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
