So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
