see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Oh god it's open bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
