the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
