Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
