So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
