yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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