Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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