Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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