remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
