when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
