Quick, to the slutcave!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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