You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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