You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
