So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
