Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
