I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
