I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
