I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
