I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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