I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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