Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
