It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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