can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
