honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize