I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize