i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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