Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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