also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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