I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
