I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
