I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
