They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
