Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
