GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
