There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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