Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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