and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
