I'm drive I can fine osifer
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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