How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
