My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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