If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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