Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
